Far From Perfect: The Good Girl's Battle Against Temptation and Failure

"Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is...We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means—the only complete realist.” (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)

The Path of Temptation
From a very young age I was a student in the art of sinning and a master of deceit in covering my tracks. My first real memory of committing a sin was shoplifting at age three. I remember standing in front of the check out counter when I spotted the Archie's Comic Book. The brightly colored front page was too much temptation for a three-year-old toddler and so without giving it another thought, my pudgy little hands reached for the book and hurriedly stuffed it inside my coat. You can imagine the look of horror on my dad's face when he brought me home from shopping that day only to discover his angelic little blonde haired, blue eyed daughter was a thief!

The Good Girl's Masquerade: Emotional Dishonesty in a World Full of Pain

"The only antidote to the poisonous lie of performance is forgiveness. We have to receive forgiveness in order to live free because we cannot give what we have not first received. Our masks complicate this process because we know it isn't good to hold on to unforgiveness. So we hide behind our mask of indifference or we get busy in our performance to hide the hurt, the anger, and the pain that has been inflicted upon us. It is a toxic, exhausting way to live. It is not the way of Jesus." (Emily P. Freeman)

The Mask of Perfectionism
In my last post I tackled the subject of God's forgiveness through the eyes of the "good girl". "She want's to please God but deep inside she feels like an absolute failure. The more she tries to hide behind the mask of perfectionism the greater her heart condemns herself." The good girl struggles with an inaccurate view of God which makes it difficult for her to receive God's love and forgiveness.

Confessions of a "Good Girl"

The good girl goes to church every time the doors are open. She doesn't let on when she is having a bad day because others may think she has backslidden. Instead she defaults to her Christian tag lines such as, "God is teaching me so much" or "I'm learning to be thankful in all things". The good girl doesn't share her struggles with family and friends because she feels the pressure of living up to the reputation of the "good girl". She want's to please God but deep inside she feels like an absolute failure. The more she tries to hide behind the mask of perfectionism the greater her heart condemns herself.

This description of the good girl is a picture of my own past but I believe many girls who have grown up in solid Christian homes can also identify with the "good girl" mentality. Even to this day, I struggle with feeling the need to search my own heart and habitually confess to God every time I go to prayer. Ironically, the very thing I hope will draw me closer to God causes me to feel more distant from His presence.

In my series of blog posts on The Lord's prayer, we've covered the topics of God being our Father, God's Holiness, having a Kingdom mindset, praying the will of God and understanding our needs versus wants. Half way through this prayer Jesus brings up the subject of repentance: "Forgive us our debts". I want to tackle the subject of confession through the eyes of the good girl and through my own struggles with understanding the grace of God.

Materialism in The Church: Do We Really Pray for Needs or Wants?

The American church {side note: if you are saved you are part of the body of Christ, therefore when I refer to the "church" I am referring to you and me} is materialistically and spiritually obese. 

We pray earnestly for what we think we need but our lifestyle is one of careless spending and impulsive purchases. Could it be that we have lost the understanding of the drastic difference between a genuine need and a frivolous want? 

I've been guilty of praying for God's provision while simultaneously sipping on my Starbucks latte. How hypocritically is that!