Confessions of a "Good Girl"

The good girl goes to church every time the doors are open. She doesn't let on when she is having a bad day because others may think she has backslidden. Instead she defaults to her Christian tag lines such as, "God is teaching me so much" or "I'm learning to be thankful in all things". The good girl doesn't share her struggles with family and friends because she feels the pressure of living up to the reputation of the "good girl". She want's to please God but deep inside she feels like an absolute failure. The more she tries to hide behind the mask of perfectionism the greater her heart condemns herself.

This description of the good girl is a picture of my own past but I believe many girls who have grown up in solid Christian homes can also identify with the "good girl" mentality. Even to this day, I struggle with feeling the need to search my own heart and habitually confess to God every time I go to prayer. Ironically, the very thing I hope will draw me closer to God causes me to feel more distant from His presence.

In my series of blog posts on The Lord's prayer, we've covered the topics of God being our Father, God's Holiness, having a Kingdom mindset, praying the will of God and understanding our needs versus wants. Half way through this prayer Jesus brings up the subject of repentance: "Forgive us our debts". I want to tackle the subject of confession through the eyes of the good girl and through my own struggles with understanding the grace of God.

Lies We Believe About God

In the Old Testament, the Israelites were afraid of God and asked Moses to deal with Him on their behalf. Even the temple was a stark reminder of God's holiness and man's sinfulness. The good girl's view of God is centered on the righteous and wrathful God of the Old Testament without understanding God's atonement in the New Testament. Her perspective centers around a holy God without grace, a righteous and just God without mercy, a God to be worshipped but not loved. Her heart learns to embrace religious rules without a deep meaningful relationship with the God she craves to serve. Because the good girl does not holistically understanding the character of God, she is constantly battling lies about who He is. Here are a few:

1. God is to be worshipped from afar and is unapproachable 
2. God cannot tolerate sin therefore when I fail, He pushes me away 
3. God won't hear my prayers until I've confessed all my sins to Him 

The Truth About God
"Here's the truth: aside from accepting Jesus as your personal Savior, there is nothing left to do to gain God's favor. Nothing. And that means no thing." [Emily P. Freeman, Grace for the Good Girl] I highly recommend this book!

While there are bits of truth woven into the lies I listed above, they are partial truths which classifies them as deceptive lies. A vague understanding of God's character is Satan's deadliest weapon in drawing our hearts away from God. The truth about God is this:

1. God is not distant and unapproachable but has sacrificed His only Son so that we can have fellowship with Him. "And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. This is the new, life-giving way that Christ has opened up for us through the sacred curtain, by means of his death for us." (Hebrews 10:19-20)
2. God does not push me away but see me through the righteousness of His Son. "let us go right into the presence of God, with true hearts fully trusting him. For our evil consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water." (Hebrews 10:22) 
3. God hears us even when we fail. His relationship with us is not dependent on our perfection but His righteousness. "For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done. That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it." (Hebrews 4:11-16)

Forgive us Our Debts

"All of fallen humanity has a consciousness of being incomplete and flawed. This is the result of original sin in the human race. We are imperfect in the presence of God who is absolutely perfect. So we stand vulnerable to exposure but terribly afraid. How do we handle it? We do what Adam and Eve did; we dive behind a bush, scrambling for something that will cover our sense of unworthiness and shame." [Dudley Hall, Grace Works]

Jesus taught His disciples 10 things to pray but it wasn't until half way through that prayer that He brought up the subject of confession. The good girl's idea of prayer is to analyze her heart condition and condemn herself. She cannot enjoy God's presence because she is so busy trying to clean herself up first. The truth is this: Conviction comes from God but condemnation comes from Satan. Conviction draws your heart to God while condemnation causes you to hide from Him.

Yes, we mess up and fail Him but we cannot rightly understand our new identity unless we understand God's character. We cannot understand His character if we are busy trying to analyze our own character. Confession comes from a heart that has been communing with God. The Lord's prayer begins with God's relationship with us, His character, His will and His provision. These aspects of prayer bring our heart to a place where we realize our need for daily sanctification and cleansing.

My confession to you is this: I will never be perfect enough but my life is hid in the righteousness of Jesus Christ. When I'm having a bad day I don't have to hide behind a mask of perfection but openly acknowledge my need for the Perfect One. I don't need to hide my struggles and failures because they are part of God's story of grace at work in my life. This life was never meant to be about me but about Christ in me, the hope of GLORY.

Questions? You can either email me or leave me a message on my voicemail or text my google number: 646-504-6263