Let Men Be Men: Inspiring the Lost Art of Chivalry

Chivalry. It is a lost art among our culture and greatly scorned upon by the feministic movement. But in the heart of a every guy there is this yearning to succeed as a man, a desire that is often crippled by the actions and words of women.

Sometimes chivalry comes in small packages: boys. Yesterday I had my own encounter with kindness while navigating my cart through the grocery store. 


I barely noticed the young boy walking ahead of me as I busily studied my shopping list. What caught my attention was when he turned towards me and motioned with his hand for me to walk by. He backed out of my way, smiling shyly. I returned the smile and thanked this small young gentleman for his kindness. Sadly, the world has yet to influence this young boy on the education of feminism and the sobering reality that chivalry is considered politically incorrect.

How Can we Let Men be Men?
Last weekend I cooked for twenty-five men, ages thirteen and up. Weeks before I was discussing the menu with one of the pastors and I made a reference to the "men and boys" attending the retreat. My pastor gently reminded me that the teenagers were men too. I realized in that moment that I had been treating the teenage guys in my church as boys and the dads in my church as men. Could it be that I have done them a great disservice?

If we want to inspire the lost art of chivalry, we have to uncover the forgotten role of Biblical womanhood. In Proverbs 5 and 7-9, we find two women that Solomon describes to his son; the woman of folly and the woman of wisdom. In my reading of those four chapters, I've always thought that the passage was specifically for guys until recently. 

Think about this for a second: You and I have the propensity to be a woman of folly or wisdom in the life of men around us. (To take a look at the symptoms of both women. click here to review a descriptive list of each one) I once heard a speaker challenge girls with this thought, "You can either be a brick wall or a bridge to God".

How can we let men be men? By stop acting like a foolish girl and becoming a wise woman. I want to share with you a few ways we can inspire the lost art a chivalry by changing our behavior towards young men.

RULE #1: Stop teasing them in front of others and downgrading them with your speech
"If another guy tries to knock you down a peg, you have fall backs. You can say, 'Well, I'm smarter, I can whip your tail, I've got a better car...' But when a girl puts you down, you don't really have comebacks. You don't think about how you're better than girls, so when a girl does that, it's devastating. There's no notch to go to unless you get nasty, and you don't want to do that with a girl. You just get angry, instead." (A testimony from a young man from the book, For Young Women Only)

Teasing can be all fun and games but when the guys we are talking with become the objects of our teasing, we are no longer treating them like men, but boys to be put in their place...beneath us. Rule of thumb, think before you speak!

"When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions." Proverbs 31:26

RULE #2: Learn to be grateful and act respectfully around men
"You have to realize: Guys have a built-in desire to save the damsel in distress. They don't want to be used, but most men will go out of their way for a lady....We'll change your flat in a blinding snowstorm, and we'll carry furniture upstairs in 95 degree percent humidity if you ask nicely...but if she doesn't act grateful and respectful, we've lost our motivation." (A testimony from a young man from the book, For Young Women Only)

Bingo! The lost art of chivalry isn't as far gone as we imagined it to be. God has created within man to protect and take care of the women around him. If they want to carry your bags to the car or relieve you of the heavy box in your arms, by all means let them be the man! Even if you have the "I can do it myself attitude", you actually give men a great gift by allowing them to be gentlemen.

I am personally learning to ask the men around me to help. I dislike to appear weak before others but in reality it requires great strength to step back and invite men to assist you. Just as importantly, you must learn to verbally appreciate their efforts so they know they're doing a good job.

RULE #3: Protect them by becoming a woman of modesty
"Girls need to know what they're doing to guys when they tempt them, visually. A girl's equivalent might be how she responds to touch. How would you feel if guys were able to come up and touch you, all day long, whenever they wanted to? How much would you be able to concentrate on school? Well, when you are dressing to emphasize your figure, you are doing that same thing to guys. You're stimulating them visually to the same degree you would be stimulated by constant touch." (A testimony from a young man from the book, For Young Women Only)

This particular subject I want to address more thoroughly in a later blog post but for now I just want you to consider the characteristics of the woman of folly. Her clothing stimulates passion in a guy that leads him to destruction. If we desire to inspire men to be men of chivalry, this requires us to be women of modesty. Why? Because an immodest woman is just a play thing in the mind of a guy.

If you are immodestly dressed, even a good guy who is trying to guard his eyes will battle against viewing you as a sex object instead of a woman to be treated with honor.  By dressing modestly you open the door for men to feel safe with you; a place where they can carry on a conversation about God without having to look down at the floor.

"When a woman veils her body in modest clothing, she is not hiding herself from men. On the contrary, she is revealing her dignity to them." (Unknown) 

Be a woman who treats teenage guys as men. Build them up with your words, in behavior and what your wear. Learn to respect their God-give position as men and allow opportunities for them to grow in the area of chivalry. Behind every great man, there is a woman who inspired him, encouraged him and motivated him to be what God has called him to be.

"I am convinced that the influence of an army of godly women will be incalculable--in our homes, our churches, and our culture. Will you be one of those women?" (Nancy Leigh DeMoss)