A couple of days later I suddenly see the man of my dreams walk past me [insert your dream man here: tall, black hair… or…skinny jeans, skateboarder, black converse…or… athletic, strong, etc]. After picking my jaw up from the ground, I decided that I would watch this guy….closely. It didn’t take long for me to check off His spiritual state from my checklist. He seemed to love the Lord with all of His heart and it showed in His love for those around Him.
Perfect, I thought. I desperately tried to meet this guy, but our class schedule was completely different. Of course, I wasn’t the only girl interested in him. Another girl (a better-than-acquaintance-but-not-quite-friend of mine) had also. She was charming, popular, and godly and was already in my little man’s circle of friends. Soon after, the two of them started hanging out- a lot. And soon after that, they began to enjoy taking long walks together.
My heart sank.
All of the other college girls had seemed to find that “someone special”. “Ring by spring!” they chanted, while I slumped into a nearby shadow.
Meanwhile (after telling myself that I knew it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. And that it was totally fine, and I didn’t need a boyfriend. And that I really am “happy” for her), I tried to make other friends. My efforts seemed vain. The clicks around campus were just too tightly knit. They refused to allow me in, and I was left standing on the outside- just watching the joyous laughter on the inside.
I felt so alone. Alone in my school. Alone from my family. And alone from friendships.
That’s when the lies began to come in.
“Nobody likes you.” They said.
“There must be something wrong with you.”
"You must not be pretty enough…or maybe you’re just no fun to be around. That’s it! You’re BORING.”
My whole existence felt like a sinking ship. All I knew was that I needed a life boat- something to get me through- and fast. I needed to feel accepted.
There were three other young men at my school that had caught my eye. Sometimes I would catch them staring at me… and that made me feel good. Sometimes I would catch them off guard and they would blush when they realized I was there. That made me feel really good.
But, the good feelings became sour pretty fast. I began to crave their attention. Like a little addict, I felt that my entire identity was at stake if I didn’t get a “hello” or at least a smile in every class from these guys.
For the record, this is no way to live life at college. Not only was I experiencing a ton of stress from the academics, but I had forced myself to be dependent on something that I had no control over – aka, BOYS!
Anyway, finally, the school semester ended. I went home never to see these guys again (err….well, at least for the entire Christmas break). The highs of hoping for something to happen crashed to the ground and I found myself sinking into depression.
I had no clue what was wrong with me…but God did. And can I just say that I am so very glad that the Lord comes to find us when we have gone the wrong way?! That is SO kind.
All of a sudden, I could see it. God opened my eyes! I was trying to find acceptance in whether or not people liked me. When that failed, I tried to do whatever I could to gain the attention of the opposite sex. Not only that, He continued to show me that I had based my entire identity on whether or not I attracted men. (Ouch).
I opened my Bible and began to read.
Jesus Christ has already accepted me. (Romans 15:7). The love of God surpasses any human love- it’s way better (Romans 8:38-39, Zephaniah 3:17). I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10). Even if my father and mother forsake me, the LORD WILL TAKE ME UP! (Psalm 27:10)
Truth penetrated my soul. What was I thinking? I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy! It’s ok that I’m single because Jesus is my bridegroom! Who cares that I didn’t feel like I fit in at the college scene! Jesus said to focus on serving, not being served!
Psalm 18:2 says “The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge…” God is my refuge. He is my rock. Of course I would never feel secure with man’s approval, because I was created to take refuge in my Savior!
What can separate me from the love of Christ? The answer to that question, my dear friend, is…
Nothing.
-Written by a College Girl
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